The
piece you're about to read is one I wrote about a year and a half ago. I was going through a ton of change, heading
to a new level in God. Giving Him things
I’d held very tightly. God had me taking
prayer walks through different parts of the city. On one particular walk, I knew the
destination at the beginning, but partway through, I felt like God was telling
me to take a detour. It didn’t make
sense to me, but I figured, “hey, I’m following God, so I might as well follow
Him this way too. What’ve I got to
lose?” So
I made the turn, and it quickly became apparent that I was actually going to
get to my destination sooner than the previous route would have got me
there. In my spirit, I could hear God
telling me, “See? You’re worried that
the detour is taking you farther away, but it’s actually bringing you closer to
where I want you to go.”
That
conversation inspired this, which I read at a Coffeehouse Fundraiser for the 2014 Philippines Mission Trip.
* * *
You’re so
very near me.
We’re
standing beside a precipice, so close to the edge, I think one deep breath
might send me flying. The deep breath
before the dive…
You look at
me with protective pride and say, “My daughter.”
You look at
me with jealous fervor, “My bride.”
You whisper to
me, “My protégée.”
Here I stand,
emboldened by awe. My God, my All in
All.
You look at
me, and I remember who I am, who I want to be.
When I look in Your eyes, there’s an ache in me that only sinks deeper
as I draw closer.
You hold Your
arms wide to hug me tight to Your side.
You hold Your arms wide to keep the world at bay: “Nothing will snatch you from Me,” You say.
You clutch my
hand and gently… insistently… pull me along this path I can barely see. I ask you over and over where we’re going.
It’s when I’m quiet I can hear you
say like a lover, “Trust Me.”
It’s then You
stand behind me, so close I can feel Your lungs expand with each breath. You cover my eyes with Your hands. I can feel Your right foot move forward, so I
step with my right leg. Not too far, partly because Your grip on me is firm, and partly because I don’t want
to lose contact with You.
“I trust You.”
I can hardly
hear myself say it. Again, with more
fortitude. “I trust You.”
Off to the
side, I think I hear something. What is
it? Some attacker? A harmless animal? I turn my head toward the sound, but Your
fingers guide me back to center. There’s
a din up ahead, and fear of that sound makes me bristle, but You’re still right
there.
You are undeterred.
I am locked into step with You.
We
are stepping forward.
“Oh, God,
what’s going on? I need to see where I’m
going.”
“No, you
don’t. Trust Me.”
Something
inside me starts to resist You. Why
can’t I see? I have a right! How can I show others the way if I don’t know
how to describe the landmarks? Before I
realize what I’m doing, I’m prying Your fingers away from my eyelids. I NEED
to see what’s up ahead.
Just as one
eye gets a peek, I hear Your voice in my ear.
There’s something there…in Your voice… like You’re more determined for
me to make it than I am. Your voice: it’s not loud, but it’s so… strong.
It makes me pause.
“This is the way. Walk in it.”
This is the way?
Something like a wave of certainty floods through me, and I’m
suddenly so anchored in You, the edge of this cliff no longer taunts me.
How can I
deny You? I know how You see me. You see worth in me when no one including me
sees any. You call me Wanted when I am
rejected and forgotten. No, to You, I am
Wanted.
Walk in it? The
fear barking all around me grows quiet at Your command. When we stand this close, there is nothing
that can drown out Your words.
How can I
deny You? You love me and call me Loved
when I KNOW I am unlovely.
You, who teach me when I am
dull and confused. You tuck me next to
You and explain mysteries. To You, I am
Confidante.
How could I
deny You Your heart’s desire? To walk
with me on this perilously narrow trail, too insignificant to be called a road…
…
“If this is the way, I will walk in
it.”
No comments:
Post a Comment