The piece you're about to read is one I wrote about a year and a half ago. I was going through a ton of change, heading to a new level in God. Giving Him things I’d held very tightly. God had me taking prayer walks through different parts of the city. On one particular walk, I knew the destination at the beginning, but partway through, I felt like God was telling me to take a detour. It didn’t make sense to me, but I figured, “hey, I’m following God, so I might as well follow Him this way too. What’ve I got to lose?” So I made the turn, and it quickly became apparent that I was actually going to get to my destination sooner than the previous route would have got me there. In my spirit, I could hear God telling me, “See? You’re worried that the detour is taking you farther away, but it’s actually bringing you closer to where I want you to go.”
That conversation inspired this, which I read at a Coffeehouse Fundraiser for the 2014 Philippines Mission Trip.
* * *
You’re so very near me.
We’re standing beside a precipice, so close to the edge, I think one deep breath might send me flying. The deep breath before the dive…
You look at me with protective pride and say, “My daughter.”
You look at me with jealous fervor, “My bride.”
You whisper to me, “My protégée.”
Here I stand, emboldened by awe. My God, my All in All.
You look at me, and I remember who I am, who I want to be. When I look in Your eyes, there’s an ache in me that only sinks deeper as I draw closer.
You hold Your arms wide to hug me tight to Your side. You hold Your arms wide to keep the world at bay: “Nothing will snatch you from Me,” You say.
You clutch my hand and gently… insistently… pull me along this path I can barely see. I ask you over and over where we’re going.
It’s when I’m quiet I can hear you say like a lover, “Trust Me.”
It’s then You stand behind me, so close I can feel Your lungs expand with each breath. You cover my eyes with Your hands. I can feel Your right foot move forward, so I step with my right leg. Not too far, partly because Your grip on me is firm, and partly because I don’t want to lose contact with You.
“I trust You.”
I can hardly hear myself say it. Again, with more fortitude. “I trust You.”
Off to the side, I think I hear something. What is it? Some attacker? A harmless animal? I turn my head toward the sound, but Your fingers guide me back to center. There’s a din up ahead, and fear of that sound makes me bristle, but You’re still right there.
You are undeterred.
I am locked into step with You.
We are stepping forward.
“Oh, God, what’s going on? I need to see where I’m going.”
“No, you don’t. Trust Me.”
Something inside me starts to resist You. Why can’t I see? I have a right! How can I show others the way if I don’t know how to describe the landmarks? Before I realize what I’m doing, I’m prying Your fingers away from my eyelids. I NEED to see what’s up ahead.
Just as one eye gets a peek, I hear Your voice in my ear. There’s something there…in Your voice… like You’re more determined for me to make it than I am. Your voice: it’s not loud, but it’s so… strong.
It makes me pause.
“This is the way. Walk in it.”
This is the way? Something like a wave of certainty floods through me, and I’m suddenly so anchored in You, the edge of this cliff no longer taunts me.
How can I deny You? I know how You see me. You see worth in me when no one including me sees any. You call me Wanted when I am rejected and forgotten. No, to You, I am Wanted.
Walk in it? The fear barking all around me grows quiet at Your command. When we stand this close, there is nothing that can drown out Your words.
How can I deny You? You love me and call me Loved when I KNOW I am unlovely.
You, who teach me when I am dull and confused. You tuck me next to You and explain mysteries. To You, I am Confidante.
How could I deny You Your heart’s desire? To walk with me on this perilously narrow trail, too insignificant to be called a road…
“If this is the way, I will walk in it.”